Weight of the Heavens
New York, New York
..and just like that our time in Miami is soon coming to a close. 2019 has come and is already well on its way and I can't help but wonder if I've accomplished everything I wanted to while we were here and away. My guilty conscience rarely gives me a break, but this strange sense of "what if" fomo has been giving me a bit of anxiety since we booked out flights home. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to be back in our house with our fluffy loved ones, even the chilly weather has a soft spot in my heart, but I can't help but fear that I didn't make the most of my time here with my family. Why do I feel this way knowing that we had the most wonderful time, made the most every moment, and are taking back some pretty epic memories. I mean sure, I could have used a few more beach days, but lets not get picky. Truth is there is simply a part of my brain that can't help but wonder if I did my best, in these time sensitive situations. Probably the same part of my brain that tells me I'm not good enough on some days, or that I can't do it, the part that often fears the future and sometimes regrets the past.
That little voice is there and I don't think she's going anywhere, but that doesn't mean I allow her to power over me. It's something I work on all the time. Sometimes it's nothing taking a personal day watching housewives and eating copious amounts of chips can't fix! Sometimes a little harder to find a release from. All I know is that living in the present, getting out of my own way (and off my own back) is the answer. Easier said than done, but writing these blog posts, putting thought (and neuroses) to paper, is probably what makes me feel best in these moments of interior chagrin. To be truthful, I don't even think about any of you ever reading these most of the time. Knowing that if I did, I'd have a much harder time expressing myself and keeping my voice and words as honest as it is on this medium.
I'm sorry I often ramble, get off topic, and that these posts have truly grown into having nothing to do with the photos they are accompanying...but I do hope that if you're reading this you get that warm fuzzy feeling of not being alone. I often have a hard time relating to others, I find my weird neuroses to be a little too unique to identify with most of the time. However, in those rare magical moments when I do, it almost feels like Atlas got a little help bearing the weight of the heavens on his shoulders for a bit...again I'm rambling, with my weird mythological references. All this to say that I hope that I can give you a semblance of these moments, perhaps save you the time it would have taken to sign up for Headspace...just kidding I heard meditation's great don't listen to cynical little me. Anyway, let's finish this off by writing the advice I need to hear myself, and perhaps you'll also find a use for...
Don't be so hard on yourself and on every waking moment of your time. Listen to your body and your mind and indulge them in what they need. You are doing your best kid...and your best is pretty damn good.
Zara beanie, coat, and dress, Gucci sunnies, Dior "Saddle" bag, and Cartel boots.